I remember as a child the hopes and dreams I had for myself. Yet, like many where on the crazy road called life, I have found myself lost. Lost on the unstoppable twisty and windy of roads life that felt that were leading me nowhere. I always remembered the saying, "Life is what you make it" and would think to myself, what can I do to make the today better day. This normally works, but lately it's one curve ball followed by a fast pitch down the middle. I told my mom the other day, she lied to me pretty much my whole life not knowing it, because she made life look so easy.
My life has been a roller foster for as long as I can remember, well since I was 9 and my dad left and my brother died. I guess things like that are expected to cause some uproar in life. But it's nothing someone can't get through. I kept a smile on my face as much as possible going through these tough times.
High school came, I worked, kept my grades up, had few friends and honestly stayed to myself a lot because my brothers death had kinda followed me.
After that I kinda went wild for a bit and low and be hold my first daughter at 20. In many ways, she saved me. That sounds cliche I know, but it's true. I was on a long road of destruction until she came along and I either cleaned up my act or screwed up a little person who didn't deserve it... So I move home, got an honest job with caring coworkers and worried about not only my future but hers as well...
This is when I thought things would begin to go better.
They did for a while, I will spare the details but a short version, met Mr.Perfect, lost Mr.Perfect, fell apart in everyway possible and got off the right page again. I then was expecting my second girl and this is where I choose wrong... Not in keeping her, but making life long decisions on temporary circumstances. And making all these decisions for all the wrong reasons.
I married my party buddy, and I quit drinking all together because I was pregnant and that's what we do. Married life has always been rocky for us and I don't now if it ever won't be. I just wonder had we things for the right reasons would things be different?? We had a third to try and fix something that was broken, another DONT DO... She didn't help us, but helped me.
My third and last baby girl has a list of health conditions that seems to grow every time I think, "I can't take one more thing on this plate" and she has taught me that everyday is a gift, everyday there will be stress, everyday my patience will be tested, and every night I will go to bed knowing her life is not in my control. That's tough for me to swallow because I love control. But something I have faced and face again every appt I go to.
So now I know life is full of unexpected balls of sadness, sorrow, happy, joy , regret, and every other emotion one can think of... It's weither you choose to sit and feel pity for yourself or take the ball and roll with that will make your day better... I choose to roll with it....