Strict Parenting

     My children, as of now have never said the "I hate you" words to me, but I have got those eyes. I prey the words will never come. They have said "You're SO mean", "I cant believe you" or even "I am running away from you" (Shit hit the fan with that one..!!) Truth is even when I think my kids are being absolutely horrible, no good, embarrassing brats I always get compliments on how well behaved they are.

     I KNOW I am a very "different" kind of parent. I know I have a strict routine that is not an option, as well as rules that are not made to be broken. My kids know to not say anything if it isn't nice, they understand the meaning of respect for people as well as things. They have a good understanding of consequences for unacceptable behavior. 

  

    

     

     I use to think being this way as a parent was a bad thing, overboard or maybe they were missing out on things. After paying attention to kids around me, being around more children then just mine and lengthy talks with their pediatrician, I have come to the conclusion IT'S A GREAT THING..!!!! I am not crazy after all. My children will never run this house and they may hate me now at times, but they will love me later for these few things.

1. Your mess you clean it..!

I remind them "my standard cleaning not yours". I feel people don't give their children enough credit for what they really are capable of. You make the mess you clean it. Teach them this young and save many arguments later. Believe me they are capable of cleaning up.  

2. You break it, its GONE for good.

"If you do not take care of the toys you have don't expect me to replace it, or even buy you more." This is something I instilled in my girls heads really early in life. Money doesn't  made from trees and they just see the spending part not so much the making of money. If your children break their toy, don't rush out and replace it, let them learn a lesson. Make them want to take care of the things they have. 

3. Force them to try so they can learn. 

Biggest pet peeve is parents who do everything for their kids. Tell them an hour before you have to walk out the door to get their coat on AND zip it. That is how they learn to do things. Same as wiping, reading, math, and everything in life. Try and you shall succeed. They have a school project let them do the work and over see it from a distance. Don't bail them out because one day you wont have the bail money. 

4. Control screen time. (TV, Movies, Tablets, Computers, Phones and any other gadget) 

My kids are electronic deprived and I wouldn't change it for the world. They get an hour or less (depends how fast they do their chores) before bed and that's it. My oldest has a nook that she READS on. They do not have tablets, phones, they cant work a DVD player, but can however work the remote. When they watch TV, they SIT AND WATCH. We don't get up, go do something come back, move around the whole time or be rowdy and loud. I don't actually have to tell them this because they are glued to the TV when its finally time. My kids know how to play for hours and use their little imaginations. I believe this is the way it should be.

5. Have an acceptable bed time and stick to it.

My kids are in bed by 8:15 pm. They don't actually WANT to bed, what kid does. They have learned however it doesn't really matter if you want to or not, its happening. I want silence and need it so their little butts are in beds. With this there has been lots of research that a bed time routine and solid good amount of sleep is needed for growing learning brains of all ages... So let their brains grow and have some you time. 

6. No actually does mean no. And stop really does mean stop.

Now I have three girls, so teaching them no means no from day one was important to me from all angles. I try to refrain saying the word no but sometimes that really is all that can be said. If I say no and you ask me or someone else again you bet there is going to be a conversation followed by an extra chore as a consequence (I love giving those out, less work for me). If I say stop or your sisters say stop you need to respect the word and stop. As do I if they ask me to stop doing something such as tickling. Respecting them is also teaching them the action of respect. Monkey see Monkey do right. 

7. Let them be responsible for themselves. 

This year I gave my daughter an alarm clock in the second grade and told her to get up for school. She looked at me like I was crazy. (She had to be up by 6:30 am and out the door buy 7:10 am) Of course I got up also, but a few weeks into school she was up before me, dressed and ready for breakfast. She was so proud of herself and I was of her too. Responsibility is a huge thing and gives so much confidence. An alarm clock is a great opportunity for structured responsibility. 

     With this said my girls are far from perfect. They will be the first hold the door open for a stranger, help someone who needs it expecting nothing in return and for the most part listen (they each have their days, but don't we all). They are healthy and happy and have open minds about things. So some where in my crazy strict, put up with no lip parenting, I must be doing something right....

     

Baseball Life

   
     I had my first daughter 8.5 years ago. I was not the ideal mom right away, it took me a while to really accept the role and feel like I deserved her. It also took even longer to realize she needed me. Since her I have had two more, a total of THREE girls.... Teen years should be fun in this house, that's for sure..!! I was always glad I had girls since my brother passed away it would bring up less sadness because they would do girl things. 

     Baseball season has started... Okay so it started a while ago and I am just sharing this. Abigail has been asking me to put her in baseball for a little over two years now. I have always come up with excuses because the sport holds a sore spot in my heart.

     My brother who pasted away 19 years ago (seems like yesterday it happened) played baseball for many years, well from T-Ball to the year he died. He was not the best player, but he had a fun out going attitude  they all wanted on the team. Also that boy could RUN.

     After Christoper past away the sport was never the same. Rather then T-Ball my mom and I started going to professional games. I had spent so much time at the baseball fields for practice, games, meetings or even pepperoni sales. I grew up watching the same boys play, I made friends with their younger siblings had my first "kiss" in the score box. As you can see little league baseball brought brought back a lot of memories.

     After a year of dealing with some things I finally asked her if she wanted to play this year. She of course said YES.... The next week I signed her up before I changed my mind.

The first practice I cried my eyes out. It was hard watching her. Not to mentions she also sucked, so it was like watching him play miss the ball and run after it. However I had never felt like more of mom then I did at that moment. I had also never felt so close to him, feeling like I was bringing something so close to his life into theirs. Its as close as they can get to a relationship with him. That made me both happy and sad....

     I have figured out how to make new relationships with my brother and let go of the past one we had as children. I found new ways to accept the emptiness then feeling unworthy of him daily. I have learned to not be ashamed of him being my brother and to bring him into my kids life the best I can. Say his name. Play baseball. Play the piano. Remember the good and the bad, talk about it and be happy to talk about it.

      Now with my daughter I have a gained a bond I didn't know was possible between us. I finally feel like a real mom, a needed mom and an important mom. I think she needed this window open and so did I.

      Sometimes you have to take a risk, make the jump and let yourself into the unknown to get something so great you didn't know it was possible. I have regained a love for the sport and watching little ones play. I can do it without being sad and make new memories now. For this I am grateful. Ill end with a few pictures of my baby playing the American game...

The Jamboree... First time to play a game

She loves running the bases

Playing catcher like a pro

Not My Dog After All

   

     Nine months ago I pulled money out of the bank, addressed an envelope and made a life altering decision I was not 100% about but knew it was now or never. 

     On June 2 2013, I woke up like any other morning, grabbed my phone and read my personal newspaper called Facebook (you all do it don't lie).... I saw that my friends dog had puppies! Well he was the father at least. They were perfect and adorable pure breed golden retriever puppies...! I instantly commented inquiring details not sure if I wanted one or could even handle a puppy. It was the last thing I needed for the busy summer I had ahead of me.

     I did some research found out about training for a companion dog and what that would cost, if it was doable and if that was what I wanted. One week later I placed that addressed envelope in the mail and knew 11 weeks later I would be busy potty training a puppy.... Truth is I probably would have agreed to anything and found everything I "needed" to find because I desperately wanted a dog again and knowing I could ask for the personality that would fit our family was a winner also.
     Maggie drove me NUTS for a while. There were plenty of times I thought I made a huge mistake and I needed to find her a home. I was so tired and felt like I was getting no where. Soon after she came home Charlotte needed open heart surgery, Maggie went to stay with my friend (thank God for good friends willing to help me out) and I felt like every little progress I made was going to be gone. We made it through the situation and she was even better in ways when I got her back.
     A few weeks later I had a huge scare, Maggie was on her death bed with what the vet and I feared  was parvo.! I cried a lot thinking I was going to lose her and she was perfect..... 12 hours later she pooped out 3 socks... brat came through. Its safe to say, seeing her like that and thinking I would lose her is what made me love her that much more..!!

     I started her training right after this, basic training, puppy class.... She did great of course. She met her best friend Kona in this class and really showed me how smart she really can be (and that the socks are an unhealthy addiction at this point). 

   

     However, shes in her third class now and things are a little harder then I had expected. You see I LOVE dogs... I love petting them, playing with them, loving and training them. I have a great love for animals. This is a problem with Maggie.... I got her as companion for my daughter and she is doing so well with that training, but she is so young she can't yet determine "off time" and loyalty to Charlotte with me being the lover I am. This is so hard for me. The trainer said its the age now that will determine her making the cut which I need her to make. The only way I could justify getting her was to train her so she can go to OHSU with us, go to the Ronald McDonald House, learn to detect seizures and be the one constant thing for Charlotte with all her ups and downs. What I was not prepared for was taking me out of this equation. I think I must have not noticed that part while reading conveniently...

     Let me explain real fast what I mean by this. No more evening cuddles, no more sitting for hours petting her, limited play dates, constant redirecting, no exited baby voice from me to her, Charlotte now feeds her, she now sleeps with Charlotte and no longer with me. This is what I was not aware of, but this is what is needed to help her succeed in becoming a companion dog. 

     I was not aware of how sad this would make me. I subconsciously got her for me. I knew this when I mailed the check but thought it would be okay. 

     I have now brought Charlotte into the training, into the life of making HER dog perfect for her and helping her. Though my heart breaks for me (I really wanted a dog damn it) its full of joy for her. These two are two peas in a pod already and I can only imagine the love Charlotte feels for her when she lays next to her after a seizure, or brings her "honey bunny" when crying, or her newest gives her the inhaler. 

     Here are a few of my favorite pictures of the two....

 Sock addiction caught.... 

 First trip to the beach 

"Maggie DOP"

Late Night Convo

     As I sit here drinking my coffee one child in my lap I cant help but think about the almost two hour conversation I had with an old friend last night. To be honest shes not even an "old" friend. More like an old acquaintance that has now become a friend. So we just know each others childhood I suppose.

     Needless to say her and I amazingly think A LOT a like so the conversation I'm sure she didn't intend to be that long at 10:30 PM just flew by. There are things about my life I often wonder if I am doing right or acting in the right manner. I have also often wondered if my brain thinks differently then then others with need to over analyze, plan and make lists.  The conclusion I came up with by the time of hitting END was yes indeed I am doing the right thing and hell yes I do think just a little different.

     I am by no means mother of the year, I mean seriously we all have our days that we could do better as a parent. I had my year I could have done way better, but I do not dwell on this. I have decided to learn from my mistakes and move forward.

     There is one thing about me I have changed for the better, that is my priority list. As a young mom I didn't always put my child or children first. This was not due to my age, but rather due to my selfishness and unwillingness to make the necessary changes in putting someone else before myself. I am proud to say my children now and forever will always be number ONE..... The rest of the list may change with different circumstances and whats more important at the time, but my kids will always be first. This has lost me relationships in the past, I now know those were not real relationships. Three kids is a lot to take in and swallow for some people, but if you can not take me with the little munchkins and everything they bring to the table, then you also don't need any part of me, in your life. She reassured me that living and breathing them is okay, that I am a good mom for not thinking of myself first, but that its also more then okay to go do something for me sometimes. Just takes a little more planning, I cant drop things and go.

     I have also learned that no, I do not think normally, but that is okay with me. I would much rather over think and call someone to analyze a situation with me (I now know who to call) then live in the world of not knowing the possible out comes. This can be a bad, stay up all night, think to much, make the situation worse in your head problem, but, it can also prepare you for the worse, allow your brain to be ready for anything and be so happy with a good out come. I love that I am prepared and not blind when things happen. My philosophy is "prepare for the worse, hope for the best, but expect nothing".

     I'm very happy to have these questions out of my mind and very lucky to have someone who thinks like me in more ways then one that I can always call...